Irish Astrology Articles
The Five Stages of Grief
Recovery means claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness. Recovery is finding new meaning for living, without the fear of being hurt again. Recovery is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them precipitate painful feelings of regret or remorse. Recovery is acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react. Recovery is being able to forgive others when they say or do things that you know are based on their lack of knowledge about grief. Recovery is one day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you've experienced is indeed normal and healthy.
The Five Stages of Grief
Denial
- Not accepting the loss and the refusing to acknowledge it. "This can't be happening to me". No tears or crying. In the case of death, setting the table for the deceased or acting like they're still living there. In terms of divorce or severed relationships, believing someone will come back when it is clearly over. In terms of a diagnosis, refusing to acknowledge it in any way. "The doctors don't know what they're talking about." In some cases, this may very well be true, and doctors are not God with the last word. However, when something is going on in your body or in a loved one's body, to refuse to acknowledge the physical reality is a form of denial. When my son was diagnosed with high functioning Autism/PDD-NOS, I was in major denial. While he may continue to outgrow Autistic behaviors, it was important for me to acknowledge that there was a set of behaviors going on that that fell under the umbrella of PDD-NOS. No, I didn't have to take the mainstream approach to the diagnosis, and no, I didn't have to feel that it was hopeless or the worst case scenario. But in order to come to terms with my grief over his being outside of "normal", I had to acknowledge what was going on. Of course, you can always re-define what "normal" is for you and yours.Anger
- "Why me?", "Life's not fair!", "I hate you, God!". Anger at the deceased or the individual involved in the loss. Wanting to "get back" at them. In the case of divorce, wanting to "get even" and being consumed with retribution.Bargaining
- This stage often occurs before the loss. "God, if you just cure my baby, I'll do anything for you!" "If you come back to me, I'll treat you like a Queen. Please, give me another chance." Bargaining is the attempt to strike a deal with God or another person in order to prevent loss, and involves begging, wishing, and praying.
Depression
- Feeling numb and without any sense of control. Overwhelming feelings of frustration, hopelessness, self-pity and bitterness. Mourning not only the loss of a person, but also the dreams, hopes, and plans for the future. Feelings of suicide.Acceptance
- There is a difference between resignation and acceptance, and I think this goes back to the quote about recovery. Resignation is bearing things quietly, while acceptance is realizing that it takes 2 to break a marriage, or that your spouse didn't die "on purpose" to hurt you, or realizing that good can come out of any negative situation. Even if someone you love has committed suicide, you must realize that they couldn't have been in a "normal" state of mind to get to that point...and it's not your fault. Acceptance is finding comfort and healing. It's re-framing situations to see the positive aspects. Our thoughts turn toward personal growth, and we find comfort in fond memories. Pain after loss is normal. The above 5 stages are a normal part of the grieving process. Do not believe that any of these 5 stages is unacceptable or wrong. For example, some people are taught that it's not right to be angry with God and he/she will punish you if you get angry. Newsflash: God can handle our anger, and even understands it! If the Divine isn't a safe place to vent, I don't know where is. Thinking any of these stages are "wrong" or "bad" can lead you to become stuck in that very stage by your avoidance. Or, it can cause you to marginalize a loved one or friend because they are experiencing something you disagree with or find uncomfortable. Get help if you need it. You will survive. You will heal, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. We can't stop living. Pain is a part of being human, but this too shall pass. Good can come out of tragedy, and the sun is always shining behind the darkened clouds. Love and joy will come to you once again.Have you seen the new revolutionary portable reader by Amazon that wirelessly downloads books, newspapers, magazines and blogs to a crisp, high-resolution electronic paper display that looks and reads like real paper, even in bright sunlight. Read more about Kindle.
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